i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
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