So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
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