Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
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