This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
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