Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
Randomize
