i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
Randomize
