Last day of classes. 1st day attending every class. I'm proud of myself
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
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