I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
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