he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
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