he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
Randomize
