so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
My pussy is not your playground.
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
Randomize
