I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
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