Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
You're like the curious george of whores
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
Randomize
