My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
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