Moan for me like Helen Keller
is it true that cum stays in you for 7 years?
that's gum
Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
Randomize
