I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
Randomize
