I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
Randomize
