So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
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