I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
Randomize
