sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
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