youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
1 stripper is 160/hr. 2 strippers is 280/hr. it would be fiscaly irresponsible to only get one.
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
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