Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
Randomize
