Already got asked if we're dating
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
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