I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
And then the night went full on bisexual.
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
Randomize
