I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
Randomize
