ya dads aren't the best wingmen
Considering the face that your still in jail Im gunna go with no.
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
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