Dude?? where did you go after Wildcats last night? Last I heard you went off with one of the girls we danced with?
Negative - This is his GF, Bobby is in Jail for a DUI. Thanks for the info.
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
Randomize
