sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
Randomize
