you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
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