I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
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