Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
Randomize
