a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
Randomize