Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Randomize
