College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
Randomize
