she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
Randomize
