I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
What a dumb baby whore.
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
Randomize