we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
Randomize
