Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
Randomize
