I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
Randomize
