why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
Those nachos came to me in a dream
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
Randomize
