the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
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