So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
Randomize
