somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
Do you know of any good hiding spots in the Atlanta area?
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
Randomize
