u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize
