were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
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