I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
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