i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
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