I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
Randomize
