I cockslap morals
smell my finger.
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
Randomize
