I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
Randomize
