Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
Randomize
