when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
Randomize
