you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
So squirting runs in the family.
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Randomize
