I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
Sext me about skeletons
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
Randomize
