I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
