Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
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