Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
