He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
