I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
im calling her cock vulture from now on
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
We're using joints as your birthday candles
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
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