I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
Randomize
