I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
Randomize
