I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
Randomize
