Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
I need a burrito and a hug.
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
Randomize
