and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
Randomize
