Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
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