So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
