totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
Randomize
