I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
Randomize
