Only a mothe r could love this liver
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
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