I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
Randomize
