Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
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