Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
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