I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
Randomize
