my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
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